How can your upbringing shape the person you become?
I still remember watching my father paint and sculpt in his studio. Some of those memories are so vivid while some are slightly blurry. So much happens to us while growing up. Carved into our current form, we rise from the ashes of our past. Memories haunt us, help us make sense of the world that surrounds us. It certainly shaped my creativity.
It was tough for me to lose my father when I was seventeen. I had this deep and unspoken understanding, a profound bond with him. Even though he suffered a lot due to alcoholism, I couldn’t quite explain how I felt, but I always sensed that he knew. It’s almost as if we never needed to speak a word.
After I lost him, there was this void. A few years of unabated hedonism followed. I was young, full of energy and enthusiasm and covering up my grief with substance abuse was smooth and rather fun. It did encourage the flow of my creativity.
“We inherit the shadow of our parents” – This is one thing I recently heard and has stuck with me ever since. Something about it resonates with me. I often find myself trying hard to understand who I am, why I do the things the way I do, why I think a certain way. It would often leave me feeling alienated from this world as if I don’t belong here. Don’t get me wrong; this does not feel like depression or anything negative. Trust me I know how that feels. It feels more like seeking, a quest of some kind.
It seems like this is the reason I started expressing my self through music, art, photography or any other creative medium. Maybe suffering does bring out our creative spirit. The constant questioning of the meaning of one’s existence becomes second nature.
This whole process of creative expression is so cathartic that the dilemma of generating a livelihood feels futile. And I am quite sure that this is what gives rise to frustration. After experiencing the tremendous therapeutic effect of the creative arts, trying to make a living from it becomes a struggle. But unfortunately, artists have to survive in this world. I have come to realize that it is hard for most people to confront subjectivity.
The artist in me, the shadow of my father, continues his effort to make sense of this human existence. This blog is an attempt to share the depths of creativity, in both a personal and more general capacity. I hope you will stick around and share some of the content I put out here.
I would encourage you to share your experiences. Do you feel that your upbringing has shaped your creative expressions in any way? Feel free to start a discussion in the comments section below.